Lack of ‘All of the Above’

So its late and I should be sleeping, but I had way too much coffee tonight and add to that processing four amazing conversations with people this afternoon/evening PLUS coming off of my great weekend in PA…  My poor overloaded brain can hardly hold it all! But it’s been a really good light bulb moment kind of day.

AND I must break this blog silence once and for all. Sickness and being overwhelmed with decisions and going on trips and feeling stuck in a personal rut all added up to no blogging. I didn’t know how to say all the things inside or what and how much to share. Light bulb days and renewal of life purpose are wonderful things! So if there is a sudden big dam burst of blog posts, you have been warned. 😉

Wouldn’t it be nice if all of life’s moments were like cherries on top of chocolate malts or savory coffee cookies melting in your mouth?

It’s nice to think about, but completely unrealistic. Once you’ve discovered the perfect happy untroubled life, please let me know. (I might laugh in sheer unbelief but you’re welcome to try to explain to me exactly how it works) And I’m not being cynical or pessimistic about this – just plain ol’ realistic. This is not to discount freedom and victory and purpose and joy in Christ at all – but life still isn’t going to always be perfect and happy. Simply because we are living in the midst of the battlefield called earth.

Joy. Surrender. Trust. Faith. Peace. Belief.

And there is the lack of all of the above.

Life really does seem like a never ending rollercoaster sometimes. Where faith and trust in God seem far away and life is a huge weight that you’re desperately trying to lift with your little finger. It doesn’t work so well. Dredging up true joy on your own is not possible. Surrender is nigh to impossible unless one truly and completely dies to self. How does one have faith and believe when there is a tiny little seed of doubt and unbelief rooted in the dark corners?

“If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” -Psalm 37:23-24

This verse is incredibly comforting to me. God says He is upholding us – you – ME in His hand… And as long as I choose to walk in His pathway and He delights in the way I’m going, He will make my steps firm. Even when I do stumble, I won’t fall. He’s upholding me. I might trip (most often over my own foolishness) and almost fall flat on my face, but He catches me and picks me back up. And that’s when walking by faith, trusting Him implicitly, and walking the journey comes in. It includes surrendering everything [my life, dreams, desires, longings, “rights”, struggles, confusion, lack of trust, fears, worries, self, flesh, and anything else imaginable]. Not an easy thing to do.

“Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?” -Luke 9:23-25

One step at a time… looking up into the face of Jesus… walking by faith.

Sometimes that’s all we can do.