The Paradox of Joy & Sorrow

Heaven has felt much closer in the last few days — closer than it ever has.

Wednesday was a momentous day — for us here on earth, and also in a far more glorious place above. It was good-bye to a much-loved Grandma and her joyous welcome into the gates of heaven. Sad for us, but oh so much rejoicing for her — no more pain or earth struggle or turmoil. I felt so sorry for her when I saw her laying on the hospital bed — so frail and sick and weak. It was so special to be able to be there when she took her final breath, and I’ll always be grateful I had that opportunity. Truly fascinating to witness the slipping of a soul between this world and the one above.

The last few days… so many emotions and thoughts.

Sorrow tinged with joy.
Bitter mixed with sweet.
Grief. Tears. Letting go.
Yet so much hope springing up everywhere.

I was reminded of hope when I saw all the gorgeous arrangements of spring flowers.
Winter is past, and the earth is alive with flowers once again.

There is the glorious hope of seeing Grandma again someday, on the other side. She is now fully alive.

And the never-ending noticing of moments continues:

Jolting reminder of reality when my car and a BIG deer had a collision on the way to the hospital early Wednesday morning, a little too close for comfort. Thankfully my brakes work well and I was able to get myself slowed down enough that I didn’t hit it very hard, with no damage to my car at all! (There’s probably a limping deer somewhere out there — not that I feel too sorry for it)

And then there was the little bouncy ball that hit me full force right in the eye/side of the nose at kid’s club Wednesday afternoon. It didn’t feel too nice (to say the least) but maybe it was just another reminder that life on this earth plain ‘ol stings at times. There was no black & blue eye, which I was extremely grateful for! But I still love these precious kids, even when they refuse to come sit down when told & throw balls that hit you in the eye & kiss the 5-year-old little girl beside them while you’re off getting them a band-aid. Oy!!

Moments of realization. Death is final. It hits me at random times, like while looking through phone contacts and realizing I can’t dial ‘Grandma Martha’ and call her ever again. She never got to see any of her grandchildren get married, and realizing anew that she won’t be at my wedding. No more hugs or visits or talks. There is no sound like the thud, thud, thud of dirt being shoveled over a coffin. It’s so final.

Yet there is still laughter. So much laughter. The most recent incident in my mind is the discovery of a faithful blog reader and all the laughter that entailed thereafter. Hehe!! 😉 I’m so honored you get a kick out of my life, Great Uncle… and just for me mentioning it, I should get a comment, right???? 😉

My little 5-year-old cousin brings me much amusement with her innocent bluntness. Saturday she peered intently into my eyes while I was holding her. When I asked her what she’s looking at, she says matter-of-factly, “I’m looking at those red lines on the whites of your eyes.” Ha! Honey, that means I didn’t get enough sleep last night.

I could go on and on with joy moments. Coffee & breakfast with Rachel Saturday morning. Oh so many hugs from lots of people. Phone calls from India. 😀 Being chauffered by the brothers! Monday morning coffee with Dad. Tears with the sister. Standing with Mamacita while she spoke at the funeral. Sweet cards in the mail. Sunday afternoons spent in a sunny meadow by a tiny pond in the bottom of the woods, with very nice company. 😀

There is death and sorrow. But this is also so much LIFE.

Live it.


One thought on “The Paradox of Joy & Sorrow

  1. Hi, Kristin, Sorry I got busy and didn’t read your blog for a while. Just caught up, and really liked your commentary about the funeral. It was very well written and brings back a lot of memories. I’ll try to keep reading the blog more faithfully so I don’t miss anything ! : ) Uncle George


Leave me a comment... you might just make my day!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s