Soggy ground squishes under my flip flops. Brrrr it’s cold out here… I walk around the puddles to the yellow garage. Search and search. Turn on the overhead light. Search some more. No measuring stick thingy to be found. (I forget what it’s called) As I’m walking back to the house, Mom & Ted come home from his Tuesday Biology class. Little farmer boy flings open the door and exclaims excitedly, “MAMA!!!” and throws himself at her when she comes in the door. “How ya doin’?” he adds. We laugh! 😀 It’s his latest phrase, that he doesn’t really understand the meaning of.
Later in the kitchen, Ted asks me, “How ya doing?”
I am surprised. “Are you really asking me?” I say. “Oh I’m okay.”
“So are you really okay?” he wonders.
“Yeah I’m okay. Not really wonderful but not doing horribly either. Just okay.”
It triggers my memory of a conversation I had yesterday in a little thrift store in Berlin. The words used were a little different, but the jist of it was the same. The older Amish man rang up my item and asked me how I am. I said, “Oh I’m doing good!!” (So cliche, I know) He asked me, “Now are you really doing good??” I laughed! “Well some days I really am not… but today I AM!” 😀 Then he made a comment about at least I’m honest about it, or something along those lines. (Probably shocked the poor man)
Why do we think we must be perfect? Why do we pretend and act like we’re “good” and “fine” and “great” – when we’re really not?? I like the Sundays that Pastor Marcus tells us what a mess he is and how we’re all messy people! (In it together, ya know ;)) It’s okay to be messy and wrestle and not always have it all together. Why not just be real and open and honest about our humanness and our brokenness? And why not just be okay with it when people around us are not okay? No pressure to perform and measure up and look right. I will be the first to say that I don’t have it all together. Definitely NOT! (See Julie – not sophisticated ;)) Half the time I am a big weepy emotional mess. But it’s okay – as long as we are taking it to the right place and not just wallowing in it. Running to the cross and clinging to Jesus is the safest place in the world to take our mess.
So if I ever spill depressing words or cry frustrated tears to you, just pat my shoulder, give me a tissue, breathe a prayer, and tell me there’s hope… and I’ll be okay. 😀
“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning. You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.” (Psalm 30:5, 11-12 – emphasis added)
I love these verses! God turns our sorrowing and tears into joy & dancing & gladness – and you know why? So as we are rejoicing in the glory that comes after the weeping and pain – we will be able to powerfully testify and praise the goodness of God. How can we be silent? I want my heart to give thanks to God forever. Whether I’m weeping or joyful; whether I’m mourning or dancing; whether I’m clothed in sackcloth or gladness.
Gifts from today ~1. chocolate mint cookies that melt in your mouth 2. first finished VBS poster (yes!!) 3. hugs from little boys in overalls 4. discovering new songs that speak deeply [You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace, when I’m in Your arms…] 5. a book that brings light to an area of confusion