Transparency Revisited

I keep feeling urges to write, then I sit down to do it and I go blank. I read blogs like A Holy Experience or Hutch5 or Enjoying the Uncommon Day or Across Fields… and they bless my heart tremendously. But sometimes I feel rather overwhelmed with the beauty of their words, and frustrated with the faltering, feebleness of my words that will not come sometimes.

I know. We are not to compare ourselves among ourselves. And if we do, we go in never ending circles, and will soon beat ourselves into the ground. We are all different and our gifts shine forth in different ways.

I hope that no one is ever intimidated by anything I write here, or by any way that I portray myself to be. If you are, please tell me! (It’s just me – I am the farthest thing from scary!) I like to be optimistic and happy and real and share things God gives me to write. But if you think I always have a perfectly painted rose-colored life – well, think again.

Like, right now I’m sick and I hate feeling so blah. And I have wet clothes sitting upstairs in the washer that need dried and it’s been way too long since I’ve had a good Bible reading/prayer time and I’m so behind on some editing projects and then I just get overwhelmed with all I need to do and end up wasting way too much time doing meaningless things. *sigh* (That sentence could go on a whole lot longer) The whole problem with this is that it’s all about me. Me, me, me. Myself. And the last thing I want to do is be so concerned with myself, that I see nothing else. What I need to ask is, how do I fit into the picture of what Jesus is trying to do in my life?

The questions are… The balance between realism and optimism? How much do I share things I am learning on my journey, yet still guard what is sacred and the mystery of my heart? How do I deflect glory to God and not let compliments or blessings go to my head?

It’s not about me. It really isn’t. I am the vessel in the hands of the Potter.

Why the name ‘Transparent Splashes of Color’?? I love the imagery and symbolism that the word transparent brings to my mind. It exemplifies honesty, realness, and openness. Nothing is hidden. One definition I found puts it perfectly – Transparent: So sheer as to permit light to pass through. Or how about this? Having the property of transmitting rays of light through its substance so that bodies situated beyond or behind can be distinctly seen. I want my life to be so transparent, that Jesus’ light shines right through me and HE will be distinctly seen.

(Last paragraph is from my very first post, back in March)


One thought on “Transparency Revisited

  1. Ah! I didn’t know people other than my roommates actually read my blog! Shucks, this makes me happy. 😀 And, wow, I’m humbled . . . just so you know, I have the same thoughts as you about my writing–I read others and feel so insecure about my own. And I feel like sometimes it takes SO much energy and work just to get one worthwhile post worked out. But . . . I still enjoy it and find it worth the effort. 🙂

    I loved reading through your blog a bit today–you have some great pictures, too!


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