Poppin’ In

Yes. It’s ME! Thought I’d dash off a quick post before I leave for the weekend again. This time it’s to travel the river in a little watercraft with one of my most favoritest people. Cheers for CANOEING!!!!

There’s way too much in my head to write about all at once… so it’s gonna come out in little bits & pieces, here and there.

Rose and I did a photo shoot this evening. Think a daisy field + blue & white outfits + sisters = so much fun!!

Reading in a daisy field…

 

(Plus about 218 more pictures that remain unedited)

I started a 365 Photo Challenge back in April, wherein I am (trying to) snap at least one photo a day — the purpose of this being to be more consistent in taking photos more regularly, and also to be more creative in photography. It’s been fun! I will admit, I have forgotten on more than one occasion, but that’s okay. I made up my own rules so it’s not the end of the world if I’ve missed a few days. (Other than being a little annoyed at myself) I’ve been doing it about a month now. If you see me in real life, ask me if I’ve taken my photo yet. A few snapshots:

    

4.29.12 and 4.30.12
(Mostly because I miss my little curly’s curls. *sniff* They are no more, thanks to little fingers that felt the need to butch his own hair)

Annnnd in honor of something I’ve been doing alot lately (traveling):

 

4.24.12 and 5.6.12
(Gorgeous sunscape through ferociously dirty windshield and Duncan, my faithful companion)

Those are just a tiny little glimpse of the photos I’ve taken in the last month — hopefully I’ll have time to post more of them soon.
Time.
Who am I kidding?
Time seems to be running away from me…
Weekends fly by at a much too rapid speed.
The whole afternoon goes by with a whiz while snoozing on the couch.
So many Pinterest projects and organizing and cooking and sewing and writing and reading and misc. projects that I want to do.
It was just January, and now it’s May 10th already.
23 short years with Grandma and it didn’t seem long enough.
Instead of being the 3 carefree 16-year-old best friends who went everywhere and did everything together
…suddenly we’re all grown up and one of us is married & soon-to-be-a-mama.
Time brings change and growth and newness and sameness.
I wouldn’t want to stop time.
It goes on, whether we like it or not.
But sometimes–just sometimes– I’d like to pause it just for a bit.
Because I don’t want to miss anything.
I don’t want to forget anything.
That’s hard to say truthfully, because my optimistic self tends to want to just remember the happy-go-lucky life is grand moments.
Not the sad. Not the disappointments. Not the heavy burdens.
But they’re a huge part of our story too. Now. TODAY. Our times are being written by a heavenly hand. (Psalm 31:15)
I don’t believe He wants us to just bury our head in the sand and only see happy things.
The pain of close friends is very real.
The marriage relationship struggles are there, all around.
There are burdens to carry for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

And there are joy moments.
*Emails that are long and rambly. (The best kind!!)
*Photo book gift packages
*Being with my Mairi friend
*M ‘n’ M words
*Roadtrips east
*Girl’s night out in a charming outside restaurant patio
*Little brother that thinks he’s a dog

*Tuesday morning coffee

Have a most blessed weekend!

The Paradox of Joy & Sorrow

Heaven has felt much closer in the last few days — closer than it ever has.

Wednesday was a momentous day — for us here on earth, and also in a far more glorious place above. It was good-bye to a much-loved Grandma and her joyous welcome into the gates of heaven. Sad for us, but oh so much rejoicing for her — no more pain or earth struggle or turmoil. I felt so sorry for her when I saw her laying on the hospital bed — so frail and sick and weak. It was so special to be able to be there when she took her final breath, and I’ll always be grateful I had that opportunity. Truly fascinating to witness the slipping of a soul between this world and the one above.

The last few days… so many emotions and thoughts.

Sorrow tinged with joy.
Bitter mixed with sweet.
Grief. Tears. Letting go.
Yet so much hope springing up everywhere.

I was reminded of hope when I saw all the gorgeous arrangements of spring flowers.
Winter is past, and the earth is alive with flowers once again.
There is the glorious hope of seeing Grandma again someday, on the other side. She is now fully alive.

And the never-ending noticing of moments continues:

Jolting reminder of reality when my car and a BIG deer had a collision on the way to the hospital early Wednesday morning, a little too close for comfort. Thankfully my brakes work well and I was able to get myself slowed down enough that I didn’t hit it very hard, with no damage to my car at all! (There’s probably a limping deer somewhere out there — not that I feel too sorry for it)

And then there was the little bouncy ball that hit me full force right in the eye/side of the nose at kid’s club Wednesday afternoon. It didn’t feel too nice (to say the least) but maybe it was just another reminder that life on this earth plain ‘ol stings at times. There was no black & blue eye, which I was extremely grateful for! But I still love these precious kids, even when they refuse to come sit down when told & throw balls that hit you in the eye & kiss the 5-year-old little girl beside them while you’re off getting them a band-aid. Oy!!

 

[Macy, Tyra, Alex & Cody]

Moments of realization. Death is final. It hits me at random times, like while looking through phone contacts and realizing I can’t dial ‘Grandma Martha’ and call her ever again. She never got to see any of her grandchildren get married, and realizing anew that she won’t be at my wedding. No more hugs or visits or talks. There is no sound like the thud, thud, thud of dirt being shoveled over a coffin. It’s so final.

Yet there is still laughter. So much laughter. The most recent incident in my mind is the discovery of a faithful blog reader and all the laughter that entailed thereafter. Hehe!! I’m so honored you get a kick out of my life, Great Uncle… and just for me mentioning it, I should get a comment, right????

My little 5-year-old cousin brings me much amusement with her innocent bluntness. Saturday she peered intently into my eyes while I was holding her. When I asked her what she’s looking at, she says matter-of-factly, “I’m looking at those red lines on the whites of your eyes.” Ha! Honey, that means I didn’t get enough sleep last night.

I could go on and on with joy moments. Coffee & breakfast with Rachel Saturday morning. Oh so many hugs from lots of people. Phone calls from India. Being chauffered by the brothers! Monday morning coffee with Dad. Tears with the sister. Standing with Mamacita while she spoke at the funeral. Sweet cards in the mail. Sunday afternoons spent in a sunny meadow by a tiny pond in the bottom of the woods, with very nice company.

There is death and sorrow. But this is also so much LIFE.

Live it.

Random Happiness

You have no idea how hungry I am for these little things. (Click on picture for recipe)
Unfortunately, we only have a handful of pretzels twists in the house and the chocolate chip availability is fairly low as well.

So I’m settling for peanut butter pie instead.

If anyone reading this makes these, don’t tell me please. (And if you insist on telling me, at least invite me over to try them out with coffee!)

Today’s gifts:

*Phone dates that last… umm, well a long time Happy 3 months to us!
*Picking up sticks with the little brother
*Ceiling hooks (I know, odd. But they happen to be holding flowing draperies in my corner of my room and it makes me quite happy!)
*Piiiiiiiiie
*Pinterest dreaming
*Smoke curling out of the chimney
*Oooey, gooey pizza yumminess
*Family conversations
*New recipe books
*Contentment
*New card games with Ted & Rose (even though I got smoked)

Tuesday

Today. (The Tuesday-that-was-almost-a-Monday)

It wasn’t terribly awful.
Just not that significantly great.
Strange dreams. Waking up at weird hours all night long.
Warm covers and cold room.
(Snooze, snooze, snooze)
Not so enthused to be leaving the warm covers me.
Hurry through the freeeeeeeezing cold dark upstairs.
Warm shower and start the coffee.
Psalm 139×2.
Reluctantly pass up the flip flops and find the shoes and coat instead.
Hope mug gets topped off with a splash of milk and spoonful of sugar.

BRRRRRRR!
Frost on the windshield?!?!?
Ice scraper still missing from the trunk.
Quickly borrow brother’s and grumble inwardly about the frozen fingers.
(Huge switch from last Tuesday’s 80* short sleeves and flip flops.)
Done. Notice the birds singing, despite the frigid temperatures.
Crank the heat and the perky piano tunes.

Hurry from car to work.
Fumble with keys. Unlock.
Scrub potatoes. Chunk, toss, add parsley.
Think. Pray and pray while hands work.
Open corn, peaches, mixed fruit.
Rinse cans. Rinse more cans.
Check potatoes.
Consume coffee.
Repeat.

Kitchen Volunteer arrives, along with her way-too-snoopy-for-his-own-good boyfriend.
He somehow already knows the area I live in. Greeeeeeat.
(We are not going into any more details, Mr. Strange Person)
I pray that I would not be judgmental and end up gaining some amusement out of it all.
Heat green beans and applesauce for marked meals.
Explain marked meals to Volunteer and Boyfriend. Twice.
Dish out fish, pack bags.
Several sweet texts cross my phone screen.

Dishes.
Put away leftovers.
Oh yeah, need to boil water for tomorrow’s jello.
*inward sigh* Must have good attitude toward sometimes difficult old lady coming in to eat.
Wrap silverware, get her extra napkin, make sure her beloved tomato juice is ready.
Plate her salad and bread.
Oh good, she’s not nearly as demanding today.
She asks me who I date (blunt lady, she is) and when I say his name she looks confused.
“He’s from Pennsylvania” I say and she looks completely and utterly shocked.
Hello, there are guys in places other than K. County, Ohio.
Apparently my love life is being discussed by her and her friends.
Oh dear.
She later asks how to make the Parsley Potatoes herself.

The 90-year-old in-town driver returns.
She comes over to the sink where I’m peeling onions and holds out a tray.
It’s perfectly melted shut.
Apparently plastic trays will not survive a conventional oven.
Even the form of yesterday’s corn dog is preserved.
I roar with laughter!
She takes it back to the office and we all laugh ’til we almost cry.

Finish up dishes.
Done!!
Head across the road.
Up to the office with the laptop.
Pay a bill or two.
Pore over houses for sale and spreadsheets for a few hours.

Home.
Starving, famished me.
Whip together enchiladas for supper.
Adventures in Odyssey drones in the background.
Set table. Heat up corn. Wash up extra dishes.
Supper with the family. (Those that are here, that is)

Crash in room for awhile.
Haul huge pile of clothes upstairs.
Throw a load in the washer.
(I feel like such a mom right now)
Rose & I hang out in the Gathering Room.
Still chilly in this house.
PJs and blankets and floor heaters and tea.
Perfect remedy.
Isaac sees my Bible and gets his out.
We sit on the loveseat and I read his favorite stories aloud.
Goliath and Jacob and Sampson.
Such a boy!
Coziness continues.
“Life is an ocean, love is the boat” and “Calium Infinitum” end up on constant repeat.
Journal hears jumbled thoughts and God’s Word comforts insecurities.

And that’s Tuesday.
Goodnight!

Live Loved

The ways of God amaze me to no end.
Like the times He has me teach Sunday School on something I need to hear myself.

Teaching is a bit out of my comfort zone but it’s already blessing me tremendously!
It pushes me to study.
To dig deeper into the Word.
To follow what the Spirit is whispering inside.
To take the plunge, even when the path looks a little unknown.

We’re studying the Fruits of the Spirit, and Sunday #1 was on love.
I told the girls that love is such a huge subject that you could study it for the whole 9 months.
(Okay, so I kinda like that subject right now. )
The aspect of love that we touched on yesterday was God’s love for us –
how He loved us first, called us His children, and sent His Son for us when we were completely unloveable
–sitting in our rags in a dark dungeon of sin and shame.
That just BLOWS my mind.

And then more specifically, we talked about the allegory of the love story between us & Jesus.
It’s easy to know in our heads that God loves us, but to feel it in our hearts.

To be honest, it’s not always there for me.
I struggle and struggle to really GET it sometimes. Deep down.
Jesus is pursuing, longing for, and wanting us to be His.
He is passionately pursuing us.
It’s the most beautiful love story of all love stories.
And we think human love stories are great –
get a glimpse of THIS!
The Bible is overflowing with personal promises and little nuggets for our hearts.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
“I will quiet you with my love and rejoice over you with singing.”
“I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are Mine.”
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”*

If we live with the conviction that we are loved and affirmed by our heavenly Prince,
there is so much security and rest in that.
And when I start to feel insecure and empty and restless
it’s because I need more of Him.

So much more of Him.

Live loved, content in His pursuit. That’s what I want to do more of.

(*Jer. 31:3, Is. 43:1, Zeph. 3:17, Psalm 139:14)

Of Real Life and God’s Will

Time to dust off the blog and exercise the proverbial writing fingers.

I’ve been rather distracted lately, in case you haven’t noticed. Blogs are great and fine and all that, but real life is just way better.

I’m enjoying the sweaty little body topped with blonde curls cuddled up beside me — we’re watching Peter Rabbit and laughing at the Mr. McGregor “One two three four five six fat little rabbits!!!” part. There’s swinging with Tyra on Wednesdays while she begs me for underducks and I listen to her six-year-old world. (A seven-year-old boy is in love with her — imagine that :p) And weekends with birthday surprises and tennis lessons and strolls in adorable Pennsylvania towns and lazy random Sunday afternoon conversations… ah, you can’t beat that.

In other words, I’m enjoying real life. Immensely.

 

Oh… and to DIE FOR Tomato Pie is definitely better live and in person. *mouth waters* It sounds strange but it’s seriously AH-MAZING stuff. I am officially on a quest to discover what exactly the cafe puts in it to make it so good… SO YUMMY!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the how-to’s of living in surrender and God’s will and how to fully embrace whatever “now” that I find myself in. (It seems to be a repeating theme in my life somehow)

It’s so easy to say I surrender, and then not actually give up. Is it because it takes trust and a complete letting go of what I want, when we tell God we’re okay with whatever He has for us? It can feel scary. And hurt our pride. Maybe that’s why we resist it so much.

And then you have the moments and situations and circumstances that feel unknown and out of the comfort zone and terrifying… and then who wants to tell God, “I’m okay with whatever You want me to do and wherever You take me”? What if He takes me seriously?!?! (He usually does) What if I look stupid or say the wrong thing or mess it all up? At the same time, I can testify that letting go and letting God take control is the most freeing thing ever. It opens up huge opportunities to see God work in ways that would never have been witnessed otherwise!

Cars that don’t start can turn into deep spiritual generational issues being addressed. (Or in another case, hospitality experienced first hand) I guess I’ve just gotta stop worrying whenever my car won’t start, because it’s always at a time when God seems to want to do something specifically. Or when I want the easy way out in one situation and feel slightly intimidated by another –  then God works it out that I am able to connect really well with the two girls — all in one week. Talk about feeling super blessed and having my little “I’m-not-sure-about-this-uneasies” blown away! Why do I still worry and fret, when God has everything so perfectly under control?

You tell me.

Then there’s the unending quest for God’s will. It often seems to be this mysterious unknown that eludes the searching soul. Personally, sometimes I think we over-spiritualize the finding of God’s will. I have to think of the phrase Jesus said in the Garden: “Not my will but Thine be done.” If we are truly seeking after God, walking in His Spirit, and searching for truth, He will make it clear. Maybe we don’t know exactly how our life will play out yet, or what it will look like, or why God puts us in such strange situations sometimes — but rest assured, if you are following Him, He will keep you and guide you.

Oh dear, now I sound like this high up person who has God’s will all figured out. I don’t. So glad HE has our lives in His hands!

Things That Make Me Smile. [February Version]

Lest you poor blog readers think I’ve dropped off the face of the earth — I promise I haven’t. Though some people might accuse me of floating around up in the clouds. I’m getting pretty tired of that Mocha Yumminess post staring at me every time I log in, so tada, here I am!

I’ve had many things on my mind… most of them are unbloggable. [Score -- another new Kristin word!]

I’ve been working and going on weekend trips and trying to juggle priorities and keep up with friends and catch up on everything I’m behind on. (Which is alot of things — poor Grandma & Grandpa are still waiting on their Christmas gift photo calendar, and it’s the middle of February already). And in between all that, I still somehow manage to volunteer myself to do things like serve at the annual Raccoon Dinner. I know. :p

But enough excuses.

Things That Make Me Smile.

Super fun weekends with them.^ (Them being: amazing kindred spirits)

Valentine’s desserts at work. Yum!

The way God answered many teary prayers.

 

Sharing a birthday with her.

Black Tuxedo Cheesecake.

…with him.

Fun skype conversations with Jamaica friends.

Sweet birthday emails that say so many nice words you just about have to cry!

Lavender morning skies with the huge moon globe hovering on the horizon.

Victory moments when my car finally starts. (Sylvester is having issues again)

Long Valentine’s Day phone calls with my Daddy. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!)

What is making you smile these days?

Mocha Yumminess

Just because it makes me all warm and fuzzy and cozy feeling.

Peppermint Mocha yumminess.

Snowflakes Fallin’

Lots of white flakes fallin’ from above…

 

 

…perfect night for a cup o’ tea!

…and for sitting around the table with the family over yummy Chicken Corn Chowder and random topics.

…and for talking on the phone to the person who sent me a box with these happy socks!!

…and for thanking God again for keeping this best friend safe & sound on Sunday morning!

(Photos credit to Lyz)

The perfect night for counting my blessings, and for feeling grateful for making it home safely on the nasty snowy roads (great prayer times in the car “Oh Lord please help me make it up this hill” x10 for every hill) … and smiling at these flowers while looking up Ireland weather…

…and remembering this:

How Would Jesus Live?

WWJD. I remember when this phrase was popular back in the 90s. What Would Jesus Do? There were books and T-shirts and wristbands and scads of other merchandise sporting the four letters.

The last while I’ve been thinking sort’ve along these lines. My train of thought goes a little like this: How would Jesus live if He was walking on the earth today? How exactly would he respond to this situation and how would he treat that person and exactly how would His life look different from the way I live mine?

Mom had the Bible open to 1 John this morning, and these verses caught my attention when I sat down to eat lunch:

“Whoever says “I know Him” but does not keep His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps His word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may be sure that we are in Him: whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.” -I John 2: 4-6 (emphasis added)

Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners and when questioned about this, He said: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matthew 9:12-13)

How exactly did Jesus walk?

Does this mean Jesus would’ve frequented places where there were sinners abundant, like bars?

How would He treat people who were not living righteous lives? Gays, scoffers, child molesters, murderers, unbelievers in general… What about those who believe religious lies and are deceived?

How would Jesus love the children at Good News Club?

How would He help the homeless guy sitting in the local coffee shop with only his cup of coffee, headphones, and tattered notebook for company? Would He look at him strangely when he started rocking back & forth and singing loudly?

How would he treat the wild Amish down at the gas station on Saturday nights?

I could go on for a long time with scenarios and questions… but what it really comes down to is this: Jesus lived a radical life. And honestly, I don’t think His life looked anything like the safe little boxes we put ourselves into. So in that perspective, what should our lives look like? Of course, we’re not Jesus, but if we’re believers, we are called to walk the path He walked and live like He would live.

Scary as that may be.

(I’m talking to myself just as much as anyone)

This doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m going to walk into The Beer Bucket in town and try to start evangelizing the bartenders. (Don’t think that would be the smartest idea for little Mennonite female me ) But that doesn’t mean that God does not call some (strong Christian) people to do that very thing. God is not limited in the ways and places He works.

So what will that look like today? I’m not totally 100% sure. It’s not going to be a one-answer-fits-all, I do know that. God has different journeys and stories and callings and lifestyles in mind for every believer. They’re not all going to look the same. The only way to find out truly for yourself is to start walking and keep seeking and studying how Jesus lived.

Jesus loved abundantly. He knew how to speak truth and have compassion at the same time. He confronted hypocrites. (They hated Him) He wasn’t afraid to do His Father’s will, even when it wasn’t popular and when it involved much pain and suffering. He lived a full, abundant life.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (-Ephesians 5:1-2)